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Wednesday, July 27, 2016

Downtown with the Tamoxifen slinger

When you take Tamoxifen, twice yearly visits are required at your oncologist's office. I hate it. It's the waiting for the other shoe to drop. One that is full of cancer.

Luckily, that day is not here for me, at least not yet, and hopefully will never be. Being in the 5-year cycle of watching sucks. Every appointment is torture--this place smells like cancer. Flashbacks and anxiety. 

As an added bonus, Candy has reached her all-time highest weight ever. Sadly, no prize.

Sue the Badass has retired. I miss her gruff, kind face. She had her own run in with a life-threatening disease and understood. Meanwhile, cancer remains as lucrative as ever and the waiting room is packed. This really pisses me off. There a a few slack-faced employees that inspire hatred on sight. They work in the finance department. Naturally.

Along the way home, we drive by my old office. It's empty and up for lease. Then we go by the new one just for the hell of it. I feel like an outsider and too fat to stop in. I don't have cause to be downtown much these days, and it's changed so much in the last 2 years. Progress, like entropy, cannot be stopped.

Wednesday, July 20, 2016

Stepping back

I'm fixated on the 80's and maybe a little stuck in the past. That was a good decade filled with health, wealth and youth. Time is such a cruel master. It would be nice to turn it back. 

About that - did you recognize Jon Bon Jovi in those Direct TV spots? Why is this necessary? All that Slippery When Wet dollars gone? Circa 1988, I'm actually asking my hairdresser to give me the Bon Jovi. Jon's exquisite locks are just a memory now. Looks like he works out though. 

Speaking of fitness and the 80's, one of the hottest workouts back then was step aerobics. I loved those step classes. The fat just melted away, replaced by lean, strong muscle. 

Step faded out, as all fitness fads do. I quit the gym and it's been downhill ever since. The breast cancer thing just escalated the entropy, along with Tamoxifen and Lexapro. 

The hamstring still bothers me - it feels weak and vulnerable. I overdid it again at the gym. Two more weeks of subsequent inactivity. Why can't I get my shit together? It used to be so easy.

There is something to be said for going back to basics. Thinking back over what used to work for me vs. what does not. My gym membership is great but I hate it-the classes are overcrowded, there are no women-only gyms near me, and driving is a hassle.

Bought a step on Ebay for 15 bucks, and a step aerobics dvd. This overweight, physically weak thing is getting old.