It's been a bit rough lately and it's not just that it's Pinktober. I know I should be overjoyed and grateful. Even if my cancer does return, it's not here yet. Not wanting to waste time and energy considering the horrid possible outcomes. And guilty for doing just that thing.
And everywhere, some garish pink sign telling me to BE AWARE. Yeah, thanks! The thing is, I was aware. Are these Pinktoberettes aware that my precious, regular mammograms MISSED my large cancer, 3 months before my self-diagnosis? I wanna ask but it may come off bitchy.
Despite the rage-inducing awareness blast each October brings, the return to normalcy is bizarre and welcomed. It is a gift not facing surgery or chemo, going to the doctor, the hospital, the lab draws. I am developing a new appreciation for my body and giving it loving care - gentle Pilates and yoga, low impact exercise to burn the excess poundage. Eating properly and less. Less processed food. Less alcohol. More sleep. Happy thoughts.
Looking for work again is uninspiring. There are lots of jobs that appear for family law paralegals, but the mere thought brings shudders. So, wish me luck with my fledgling writing career. I'm actually seeking writing gigs, something that would never have happened pre-BC.