Tuesday, July 14, 2015

More than my heart in San Francisco

San Francisco is extraordinary-full of magical strangeness. I'm lucky here - things happen right. I find money, get to stay in a 4-star hotel on business, and then enjoy leisure time and touring. The locals and other tourists are nice and mostly well-behaved. We enjoy the city and each other, and do not resist the urge to gawk and be enchanted by the place and its beautifully bizarre nature.  

I met some new friends that are also post BC treatments. All of us are so different, yet the same. Middle-aged, childless, mothers of twins, young, healthy, thin and overweight. All kinds of ethnicity and from all over the world. We all admit to being sort of surprised to be alive and kicking, and walking around Fisherman's Wharf. We eat chocolate croissant with G's French bulldog Oliver on Powell Street and I cannot believe that the sky is so blue, the air is so clean and cool and that I am able to breath at all. 

How much difference a year makes. How much fun can we cram into this trip. Isn't the sky/street/building beautiful? How much time do we have left?

July 29th is my Cancerversary. This time last year I'm just about to feel my tumors for the first time. And that began the endurance trip down  to Cancer Hollow. Along the way, there are stops long and short, mundane to terrifying, with lots of waiting in sterile, cold rooms with bland colors and gut-churning odors. Lights that are too bright, people in scrubs that are mostly good but sometimes nasty. Needles--sticks by the dozens, in your arm and chest and triceps. The locations pass on and on, while I hold on and grit my teeth: Port Insertion Place; Chemo Circle; Bilateral Mastectomy Parkway, and Radiation Alley. Then there are the darker places not on the map they gave me. Pain. Fear. Anger. Depression.  The surprising stops at end of the trip that I thought could only end quickly and badly - Resolve, Grateful, Abundance, Acceptance and Joy.

Would like to think that I left something out West too. It's not any baggage that ever needs to be returned. Never do I wish to see it show up again, uninvited and unexpected, at the worst possible time.