Monday, August 25, 2014

The Worst Birthday Present Ever

Happy 47th Birthday! Oh, and you have an aggressive and invasive breast cancer. You must be medically poisoned, surgically altered and radiated. It may halt the cancer in its tracks, or not. It's going to be horrific at worst and bad at best, for an entire year. You will absolutely be left with lifelong complications, the nature and severity of which we can't say. That vacation you were going on in a few weeks? Cancel it and live or go and maybe risk a chance of quicker death. 
Yeah, my 2014 birthday sucked. 

Thank God for shock. It really is an underrated, marvelous thing. I will run on it for months on end. That and my own sense of pissed-off at the bad luck cast upon me. Oh, and Xanax. 

There is absolutely nothing, nothing, nothing that compares to being told you have cancer. To have this deadly diagnosis so rudely thrust upon me makes me stubborn to fuck it back by beating it. I decide immediately, no matter what, that I am now Funny Cancer Bitch. No way am I going to let it get to that one small thing that has always saved me. I will not allow this to take my laughter.